Cyclical break (downs + through)
Image Description: POV of looking down at Kae’s legs using two TENS machine pads attached to her thighs.
Image Description: Meme from the internet that alternates between “I feel off” and “I’m back” using arrows moving clockwise in a circle to show it’s a cycle.
Haven’t had much to say lately. The older I get, the more I feel like I’m susceptible to losing my mind. As my disease progresses, I inevitably lose parts of myself because some of it resides in movement; it’s speechless and nonverbal. My body is losing its expression.
Humans move, explore, and release emotions through their bodies but for me, I’m sinking my way in quicksand to a standstill. That’s how this disease works. I can put up a good fight but I don’t know if any amount of mental coping can replace the physiological benefits of movement. Words can’t always express the unspoken. My thoughts are becoming louder as my body becomes distant and I retreat into myself with a snowballing tension that has nowhere to go.
While I am taking it day by day, grateful to still have my mind, I know it’s not realistic to be consistently sane with a progressive disability. It’s difficult to maintain as it requires a mountainous strength of resilience in the face of a seemingly insurmountable reality. A scream, a cry, or a punch in the pillow is cathartic and needed but only then am I reminded that if the phoenix bird can rise from the ashes again, we can too.
Image Description: A screenshot of Kae’s Threads reply that says “Everyday I rip the band-aid off and fight for my life”, to an image of a person lying down with a giant band-aid covering their whole body with the text that reads “‘Put a bandaid over where it hurts’ me:’
Image Description: A photo of a bottle of MySupplyCo’s Brain Stack mushroom supplements on top of a journal. Use code “KAE15” to save 15% off your next order.