Choices
A few weeks ago, I almost perished in a car accident—or so I thought. It happened in a flash. I vividly remember thinking all sorts of things, one of them being that I deeply believed my loved ones and I were all going to die. Although, now I reflect back in amazement because not only did we survive what could’ve been worse, but our fears and feelings had evidently survived with us. These newly formed memories echo within my flesh, and I now have a new understanding of trauma.
Fortunately, we’re okay but it has surprisingly been an unsettling time adjusting back to reality, the days and pain levels fluctuate, and the flashbacks like to keep me on my toes; another layer added to my daily challenges. While I consider myself resilient, strong-minded and good at coping, nothing could’ve prepared me for the range of emotions I felt seconds before the accident or the aftermath that followed—this was something new.
Physical pain aside, it’s left me in this weird limbo state of simultaneous questioning, gratitude, and empathy. I haven’t been able to fully process it as I’m still in grounding, trying to reconnect with a shifted reality and identity. I know this is a hiccup in the grand scheme of things but it has validated my desire to continue living presently and loving deeply. It’s shown me that I’m not quite ready to go yet. Life may be difficult, it is fragile and fleeting but it is also precious and fun. We are truly everything and nothing; how we choose to live our life and give meaning to it is up to us, until fate would have it. Be here now because tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. Love u🌹
Image Description: Selfie of Kae’s transparent reflection in the glass of her balcony window. She is sitting in a chair with her elbow resting on her knee. The Toronto skyline is visible in the background.
Image Description: Meme of a man standing in the middle of two opposite paths. The word “breakd” is overlaid the man in the center, with the word “ance” overlaid on the left path and the word “own” on the right path. The meme’s caption says: “everyday we make choices”.